“Quality over quantity”, they say, I say, we all say. I know the expression, understand its implications, and appreciate its value. Yet I continuously and unforgivingly quantify my worth and the quality of my being by the amount of acquaintances I can collect. Naturally. There’s a pretty interesting phenomenon that I’ve been swept up in amidst the highschool-to-college transition. It essentially consists of this: vicious self-degradation based upon my perceived of lack of sociality. It’s an unhealthy mindset, with a terribly unfortunate self-image that follows. And even more unfortunately, I’m not the only one who’s fallen into this mindset.
Since coming to college, it’s natural that my perception of my highschool peers’ is ultimately dictated by instagram (or social media of that likeness). And with instagram comes everyone’s most flattering depictions of themselves - consisting of nonstop photos full of (but not limited to): roommates, new friends, parties, sororities, boyfriends. And as fun as this all is, it’s also so potentially dangerous to one’s mind. We all, even if with different severity, play into the comparison game. I am the first to admit that I constantly compare myself, in all my flaws and real-life inadequacies, to other girl’s perfectly polished instagrams (what a fair comparison, am I right?). The questions never end - why can’t I be as social as her? How did she make her friends so fast? What makes people like her more than me? It’s these sort of questions I hammer myself with. They’re self-hate inducing, unhelpful and exhausting to entertain. And in entertaining these questions, I tend to ignore such valuable questions for my mental health.
Why must I romanticize my own loneliness when I have incredible minds and souls just a phone call away? Why do I forget all the days I’ve spent with belly full of laughter, sprawled out in the hazy summer air alongside my best friends? Why do I disregard the joys I’ve had of watching a smile bloom from tears because I was able to console someone? Why do I pretend not to know the inner workings of so many fantastic minds? I have friends who are incredibly powerful, wickedly intelligent, uniquely beautiful and bursting at the seams with equally dazzling attributes. I have the privilege of knowing and loving artists, musicians, photographers, writers, even business-people (hi Kate!)… and none of these are mutually exclusive, either. The people I love are everything I could ever need and enrich my life everyday. I know people that are going to change the world - isn’t that worth more than more followers on social media or a few extra shallow relationships?
There’s no need to stifle new friendships from forming, as a disclaimer; there are countless amazing minds we’ve yet to explore and thoughts we’ve yet to hear from new interactions. However, it’s so important to remember we are all working at different paces and are unique in our relationships. Your value isn’t less because of what you see on your feed, and it’s important to appreciate the love you’re already being given. Take your time in forming deep relationships and recognize those who are there for you now. You’re much less alone than you ever think yourself to be, and your journey is your own - no one else’s.
